Kathryn Lively, Reader

I signed on to two reading challenges this year because I'm a flipping masochist. Also, I find the more I read, the more I'm motivated to write. While I may not publish anything this year, I'll have plenty of words tucked away for later use. I find, too, that I can go into a reading challenge with the best of intentions - planning ahead and choosing books - and come out with a completely different list. It's like playing the Telephone Game. You start by saying I have tickets to the opera and the last person in line hears Death to the infidels.

I started the Book Riot Reading Challenge in January, and as of this moment I am one book and change away from finishing. Not bad, completing it halfway through 2015. To give you an idea of how far I strayed, here's the list:

Book published this year

ORIGINAL PICK: Where There’s Smoke by Jodi Picoult

WHAT I READ: Silver Screen Fiend by Patton Oswalt FINISHED 1-21-15

Book published before 1850

ORIGINAL PICK: Tom Jones by Henry Fielding

WHAT I'M READING: Indiana by George Sand

Graphic novel

ORIGINAL PICK: Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

WHAT I READ: Fun Home by Alison Bechdel  - FINISHED 1-4-15

Book originally published in another language

ORIGINAL PICK: Look Who’s Back by Timur Vermes  

WHAT I READ: Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto - FINISHED 1-17-15

Book of Poetry

ORIGINAL PICK: Delirium by Drew Hoffman

WHAT I READ: Delirium by Drew Hoffman FINISHED 1-6-15

Audiobook

ORIGINAL PICK: Doctor Who – The Last Voyage by Dan Abnett (David Tennant, narrator)

WHAT I LISTENED TO: I Must Say by Martin Short (Martin Short, narrator) FINISHED 1-26-15

Microhistory

ORIGINAL PICK: Flapper by Joshua Zeitz  

WHAT I READ: Flapper by Joshua Zeitz  FINISHED 3-5-15

Book by or about indigenous people

ORIGINAL PICK: Rabbit-Proof Fence by Doris Pilkington

WHAT I READ: Tangled Roots by Giselle Renarde FINISHED 5-14-15

Book by an author from Africa

ORIGINAL PICK: Island Bound by Kiru Taye

WHAT I READ: Black Soul by Kiru Taye FINISHED 5-6-15

Book set in Asia

ORIGINAL PICK: The Dowry Bride by Shobhan Bantwal

WHAT I READ: The Dowry Bride by Shobhan Bantwal FINISHED 3-13-15

Science Fiction Book

ORIGINAL PICK: Children of Dune by Frank Herbert

WHAT I READ: Children of Dune by Frank Herbert FINISHED 3-5-15

Book written by author who identifies as LGBTQ

ORIGINAL PICK: High Hearts by Rita Mae Brown

WHAT I READ: High Hearts by Rita Mae Brown FINISHED 1-24-15

Book of short stories

ORIGINAL PICK: The Stories of John Cheever

WHAT I READ: Magnificent Bastards by Rich Hall FINISHED 2-4-15

Book written by author under the age of 25

ORIGINAL PICK: Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto

WHAT I READ: That Was Then, This is Now by S.E. Hinton FINISHED 1-9-15

Book written by author over the age of 65

ORIGINAL PICK: In the Unlikely Event by Judy Blume

WHAT I READ: A Touch of Stardust by Kate Alcott FINISHED 1-11-15

Self-help / improvement book

ORIGINAL PICK: The Bulletproof Diet by Dave Asprey

WHAT I READ: The Bulletproof Diet by Dave Asprey  FINISHED 1-7-15

Romance Book

ORIGINAL PICK: The Bourbon Kings by J.R. Ward 

WHAT I READ: Dogwood Hill by Sherryl Woods FINISHED 1-16-15

YA Book

ORIGINAL PICK: Brown Girl Dreaming by Jacqueline Woodson

WHAT I READ: Wonder by R.J. Palacio  FINISHED 1-8-15

Book published by an indie press

ORIGINAL PICK: Strings and Bones by Kim Talon

WHAT I READ: Ghost Love by Nellie Rees FINISHED 1-28-15

Guilty pleasure book

ORIGINAL PICK: Scruples by Judith Krantz

WHAT I READ: The Rancher's Dream by Kathleen O'Brien FINISHED 4-6-15

Book based on a fairy tale or classic story

ORIGINAL PICK: Cress by Marissa Meyer

WHAT I READ: A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley FINISHED 3-29-15

Book by author of opposite gender

ORIGINAL PICK: A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin

WHAT I READ: Searchlights and Shadows  by Martin Turnbull FINISHED 2-1-15

Pulitzer, Booker, or National Book Award Winner from last decade

ORIGINAL PICK: American Lion by Jon Meacham 

WHAT I PLAN TO READ: Just Kids by Patti Smith

Book recommended by a friend

ORIGINAL PICK: None

WHAT I READ: Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn FINISHED 3-9-15

The reasons for switching up during the challenge vary. In the case of Brown Girl Dreaming, I got the book in December and couldn't wait to read it, so I finished it in 2014. Therefore, I couldn't really count the book toward this challenge, else I could have used the book in place of Just Kids and I'd be done with the challenge tonight.

For a while, I couldn't get a copy of Look Who's Back because it wasn't made available in the US until recently, so I moved Kitchen  from the Under 25 category to the translation category. I still plan to read the Blume and Ward books, but since both aren't out until next month I found books in their respective categories to read.

In other cases, like with A Clash of Kings  and John Cheever, I went with books that weren't the size of Rhode Island.

The second reading challenge, from POPSUGAR, I joined and simply ticked off books I read that fit. No planning ahead here. Of course if a Book Riot read overlapped I counted it:

• Book over 500 pages - TBD
• Classic Romance - TBD
• Book that became a movie - Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn FINISHED March, 2015
• Book published this year - A Touch of Stardust by Kate Alcott FINISHED January, 2015
• Book with a number in the title - A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley FINISHED March, 2015
• Book written by someone under 30 - That Was Then, This is Now by S.E. Hinton FINISHED January. 2015
• Book with non-human characters - Dogwood Hill by Sherryl Woods FINISHED January, 2015
• Funny book - Diary of a Mad Diva by Joan Rivers FINISHED February, 2015
• Book by a female author - Unfaded Glory by Sara Arden FINISHED January, 2015
• Mystery/thriller - The Last American Vampire by Seth Grahame-Smith FINISHED February. 2015
• Book with a one-word title - Wonder by R.J. Palacio FINISHED January, 2015
• Book of short stories - Magnificent Bastards by Rich Hall FINISHED February, 2015
• Book set in a different country - The Marriage Game by Alison Weir, FINISHED February, 2015
• Non-fiction book - The Bulletproof Diet by Dave Asprey FINISHED January, 2015
• Popular author's first book - The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins FINISHED APRIL, 2015
• Book from an author I love but haven't read yet - Searchlight and Shadows by Martin Turnbull FINISHED February, 2015
• Book a friend recommended - Farewell, Dorothy Parker by Ellen Meister FINISHED February, 2015
• Pulitzer Prize-winning book - TBD
• Book based on true story - Let's Go Crazy: Prince and the Making of Purple Rain by Alan Light FINISHED February, 2015
• Book at the bottom of my TBR - Look Who's Back by Timur Vermes FINISHED MAY, 2015
• Book my mom loves - TBD
• Book that scares me - Revival by Stephen King FINISHED March, 2015
• Book more than 100 years old - TBD
• Book based entirely on its cover - Flapper by Joshua Zeitz FINISHED March, 2015
• Book I was supposed to read in school but didn't - TBD
• Memoir - I Must Say by Martin Short FINISHED January, 2015
• Book I can finish in a day - Alpha, Delta by RJ Scott FINISHED January, 2015
• Book with antonyms in the title - TBD
• Book set somewhere I've always wanted to visit - Ghost Love by Nelli Rees FINISHED January, 2015
• Book that came out the year I was born - TBD
• Book with bad reviews - [REDACTED] FINISHED March, 2015 (not going to list it)
• Trilogy - TBD
• Book from my childhood - TBD
• Book with love triangle - The Virgin's Daughter by Laura Andersen FINISHED March, 2015
• Book set in the future - Children of Dune by Frank Herbert FINISHED March, 2015
• Book set in high school - TBD
• Book with color in the title - Silver Screen Fiend by Patton Oswalt FINISHED January, 2015
• Book that made me cry - The Julian Chapter by RJ Palacio FINISHED January, 2015
• Book with magic - The Awakening by Kally Jo Surbeck FINISHED February, 2015
• Graphic novel - Fun Home by Alison Bechdel FINISHED January, 2015
• Book by an author I've never read before - Guitars and Cupcakes by Ella Grey FINISHED January, 2015
• Book I own but have never read - TBD
• Book that takes place in my hometown - The Look of Love by Crystal Bright FINISHED May, 2015
• Book originally written in another language - Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto FINISHED January, 2015
• Book set during Christmas - TBD
• Book written by author with my initials - TBD
• Play - TBD
• Banned book - TBD
• Book based on or turned into TV show - Hannibal Rising by Thomas Harris FINISHED February, 2015
• Book I started but never finished - High Hearts by Rita Mae Brown FINISHED January, 2015

I already have Roller Skates (childhood), The Chosen (high school read) and Indiana (100+ years old) open. Choosing the rest will be...a challenge.

I'd had this one Bee Gees biography on my radar for a while, but after seeing a number of negative reviews, including one detailing a mile-long list of factual errors, I mentally shelved it. Dennis Bryon's You Should Be Dancing: My Life With the Bee Gees came up for review and caught my eye. I hadn't seen the group's 1979 Spirits Having Flown show, but my husband (14 at the time) had, and still points to it as one of the best live shows he's ever seen. Bryon toured as drummer then, and his book provides detailed insider information when the Bee Gees peaked in sales and popularity.

When I think of the Bee Gees, I tend to focus on the songwriting and vocal harmonies. A non-musician fan like me might forget that for five years they were supported by a solid band on stage and in the studio, so a book like this helps me appreciate the people who contribute to great music.

Before the Gibbs, Bryon grew up in Wales and dreamed of a life which didn't chain him to work as an electrician. After taking up the drums, he enjoyed success with the Amen Corner, a Wales-based rock/blues group better known in their native country. They rode high for about three years, then poof. Done. Bryon doesn't dwell much on the band's demise, hinting perhaps at a restlessness among some musicians and a desire to try new things. The band's split leaves him scraping for any work in the music industry, and he comes close to taking a tour manager position before a former band mate steers him toward the Gibbs.

The heart of Dancing, of course, chronicles his tenure in the Bee Gees' band with Alan Kendall and Blue Weaver, arguably at the pinnacle of their career. Bryon's memory appears photographic at some points - there are passages where he describes the layout of a studio right down to the screws in the door hinges. He's kind to all the Gibbs and extended family, assigning personalities we probably would have guessed for each: Barry the devoted family man, Robin the quiet one, Maurice the joker. Every occurrence in this five-year period happens in Bryon's recall as though everybody involved wrote and rewrote music history with the greatest of ease. Of course, it's not entirely untrue given the success of Saturday Night Fever in this time.

Post-Bee Gees anecdotes are equally interesting, particularly his work with the doomed younger brother Andy. The aforementioned Bee Gees biography weathered criticism over a perceived vitriolic portrayal of Andy, but I found Bryon's memory sympathetic without being sugar-coated. Had Andy survived his addictions, who's to say Bryon's drumming career wouldn't have lasted several more years.

Overall, Bryon's narrative throughout Dancing comes off so positive, when you read about his unceremonious firing (via a phone call from a non-Gibb - a rather cowardly act if you think about it), he doesn't seem angry enough. When you read about a guy going from six-figure advances for an album to zip you'd expect some anger to singe your fingers as you turn pages. You get the impression Bryon, though frank about money and marriage troubles later in life, takes a zen approach to things. He could hug Barry after putting time between the wounds, but while Bryon ends his story touching on the whereabouts of a few close friends there's no mention at all of the deaths of Maurice and Robin. Even with the great attention to detail of touring and recording, you still have some questions.

ARC received from NetGalley

I've read Crystal's books for years, romances under both of her names, and she knows how to create an atmosphere that draws you into the story. I was drawn to The Look of Love for its setting (Virginia, where I live) and the premise of a "macho" man who hasn't forgotten his roots. In this first of a trilogy, MMA fighter Gunnar has come home to help his mother run her hair salon. Sounds easy, but there's baggage - namely the girl he left behind in order to achieve stardom.

Gunnar and Eboni are a great couple, fighting romantic tension and sparring over his mother's well-being. I look forward to the other two books and hope to see more of the supporting players who add to the setting.



ARC received from publisher via NetGalley

Short but touching tale about a woman's gradual disconnect from reality into a virtual world where she finds more comfort.

Jin-mei has grown up in a magistrate's home in 9th century China, and is expected to marry well and be a proper bride. She's known of Bao Yang since she was young, admired him from afar, and anticipates their wedding. She doesn't realize she's been deceived until she see the "ghost" of her husband days after being told he was murdered.

A Dance With Danger takes Bao Yang and his determined wife across China as they hide from the people who want him dead, while he seeks revenge for his wronged family. It's a beautifully written story with strong characters, unlike any historical romance I've read. I'd always heard good things about Jeannie Lin and am glad to have started with this book.

ARC received from NetGalley

Is it possible to like a book and not really like the characters? I picked this up because it's the "it" book of the moment and the comparison talk to Gone Girl intrigued me. It's not the same story, but employs similar elements - a multi-person 1st POV, a suspenseful layer peel to the last few pages.

For the tl;dr: Rachel is an unemployed alcoholic, obsessed with her ex-husband and her former neighbors. She passes both houses every day on the train and soaks up as much as a voyeur can. When the neighbor-wife disappears, she inserts herself into the ensuing investigation.

Megan is the neighbor-wife, emotionally bruised and bored. You probably don't like her immediately, but the gradual reveal of her secrets may inspire sympathy.

Anna is the current wife of Rachel's ex, entitled and spoiled but not entirely deserving of her fate.

I can see this as a movie. I'm sure it's been optioned. Worth a read if you can get through the characters.

Does Ringo Starr get enough credit as a musician? Other professionals have cited his influence on them, mainly by virtue of The Beatles' reach and an equal focus on all four members. Think of how many kids watched the band on Ed Sullivan and went to pursue music - not all of them became guitarists.

Others may argue that Ringo is no Buddy Rich or Neil Peart - then again you can reverse that argument. How well would Neil and Buddy have paraded through A Hard Day's Night or mugged through Help! and The Magic Christian without Ringo's effusive charm? Legend has it Buddy once told a young fan, "fuck off, kid," so it's safe to say we wouldn't have heard him narrating any Thomas the Tank Engine stories.

Ringo was/is a drummer, memorable enough to make Best Of lists, and more so an entertainer. Think of each of the Beatles movies: Ringo has a significant side story in AHDN, is practically the focus of Help!, and opens Yellow Submarine andMagical Mystery Tour. Sometimes people debate over rock groups and the possibility of expendable members. Ringo isn't one of them.

Ringo the musician is not without his critics, but it's not enough to dismiss his skills entirely. He can claim a fair number of fans in the industry. While he didn't enjoy lasting solo success on the music charts compared to the other ex-Beatles, he never had a problem lining up capable sidemen for his albums. Check the liner notes of any of his records - each is a who's who in classic rock. I can't say if these music makers expected high sales, but it's clear they believe enough in Starr's talent to give their time to him.

Despite five decades in the public eye, you don't find much in the way of detailed biographies on the man. Look on Goodreads, and you'll see his photography collections, and a few bios with negative reviews - claims of poor writing and research. Michael Starr's Ringo: With a Little Help (AMZ / BN) may very well set a precedent. Like other Beatle biographies, this is an unauthorized work - author Starr (no relation, of course) even notes a Facebook post from Starr's official page denying any participation in the book's creation. It's possible Starr isn't interested in having his whole life story told, which makes sense considering the professional and personal nadirs revealed here.

The tone of Ringo, however, is kind. Ringo reads quite the opposite of Howard Sounes's Fab:An Intimate Life of Paul McCartney (reviewed here). Where Sounes's biography teeters between disappointment of and scorn for its subject,Ringo is almost apologetic in recounting post-Beatle struggles, as though the author doesn't want to put the star in a bad light. Even so, consider the content to work with: a string of low-charting solo albums (when they did chart), low-grossing movies and failed TV pilots, and a decade's worth of drunken debauchery. Hey, it happened, but Ringo survived. His All Starr Band is on it's thirteenth tour, and he's about to be inducted solo into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Granted, it's being done not as a performer but under the title of Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence or whatnot, but the Rock Hall could simply have let the Beatles induction suffice for him.

On top of all this, he's 72 and looks 40. Eat your broccoli, kids.

As a biographer, author Starr appears to have done his homework. Ringo comes with an extensive bibliography and list of cited sources, though it looks as though he relied heavily on certain ones - specifically Beatles books I've read for the first third of the history. You won't find many new revelations in the Beatles era, beyond the hints of reunion in the following years. One nit pick: the book states the claim of a near crime-free evening in New York during the Sullivan show, which the people at Snopes have debunked.

Ringo's post-Beatle debauchery well matched, if not surpassed, the decadence of Lennon's fabled Lost Weekend, only in his case it's a Lost Decade or two. You would expect a more rounded portrayal of Ringo here, and experience his frustration of wanting to move on from the past. I get the impression, though, author Starr is more interested in protecting Ringo and downplaying some of the uglier public moments. They exist.

With the new tour and Rock Hall honors, and every year until 2020 will be the 50th anniversary of something Beatle-related, Ringo is a timely release, one for fans interested in more about the man who inspired so many to pick up sticks.

Redemption Bay is the second in a series, but it stands well enough alone with the gradual romance of Mackenzie and Ben. It is lovely small-town setting with hero reluctantly coming home while the heroine resists his charms at the same time she's selling the town so he can help save it. It's the kind of story I expect and enjoy from the HQN line.

ARC received from publisher.

It isn't necessary to read Meister's first Dorothy Parker book (Farewell, Dorothy Parker) before this. In fact, you might want to read this one first because A) it's kind of a prequel, and B) it's better.

The ghost of Dorothy Parker manages to disarm the world-weariest of people this time around with her droll and calculating personality. Similar to the first story, her presence helps connect people with problems to resolve (in this case, a dying writer making one last stab at forgiveness toward people he wrong), but not without an ulterior, personal motive. I liked the first book, but things fall better into place with Dorothy Parker Drank Here - the interludes where Mrs. Parker encounters friends as they gradually pass on were a nice touch.

ARC received from publisher via Edelweiss

The Virgin's Daughter follows Andersen's excellent Boleyn Trilogy, which is now styled as The Tudor Legacy series to accommodate more stories. You really should read the first three books before this one, though as it stands by itself you won't be too lost. It's best, though, to start from the beginning to get a better sense of the alternate history Andersen writes.

The title is sort of a misnomer, because you get the impression Elizabeth's daughter, Annabel, is the focus of the story. She has a significant role, but the heart of the story centers more on Lucette Courtenay, the daughter of Elizabeth's old friend Minuette, and her family's involvement in uncovering plots connected to the Queen and Mary, Queen of Scots.

If you love Tudor fiction, this series offers an intriguing "what if" scenario to the history. I look forward to the next one.

The more I read rock and roll memoirs, the more I'm convinced it's required for at least two chief members of a successful group to butt heads and fall out with spectacular hand gestures and bitter, four-letter words. Lennon sniped with McCartney, Stanley rolls his eyes at Simmons's every PR stunt, and Perry seems to barely tolerate Tyler (you get that impression from his book). Everybody has a frenemy in the business, the person with whom you work while you look at your watch to check for quitting time, and for Steve Katz that man would be Al Kooper.

Or Lou Reed.

Or David Clayton-Thomas.

Or his brother Dennis.

The difference between the aforementioned rock duos and Katz and company, though, is you get the impression at the end of the day John and Paul, etc. can bury the hatchet. After reading Blood, I envision Katz using the hatchet to hack the bridge into firewood before tossing back a lit match as he walks away.

I picked up this book because I wanted to read about a musician and a group about whom I know next to nothing. Katz helped form two popular bands of the 1960s: first The Blues Project and later Blood, Sweat & Tears. I know exactly three BS&T songs. I thought I knew four, but the last one turned out to be a Guess Who hit. Soon as I'm done here I'm firing up Google Play to listen to both groups. Anyway, if die-hard BS&T fans exist who live to takes sides with Team Katz or Team Kooper, I'd recommend this book to all of you because now you have a counterpart to Al's book.

If you're not a die-hard and want to read an insider's story of the industry as a musician and executive, you'll find here a rough blend of memories - blunt, happy and bitter. There are early heartbreaks that make you want to give the guy a hug (read: Mimi Baez), and fun brushes with celebrity like Bob Dylan and not-yet-Hutch David Soul. Katz doesn't suffer fools as he relates his tenure with fame, multi-million record sales and Grammy Awards, all the while dealing with an ego he had to humble to improve the band (Kooper) and the replacement singer he wanted to throttle (Thomas).

BS&T, however, only accounts for a fraction of Katz's story, given that he left the band in 1973 (by '77, the last founding member cycled out and a bazillion other people have performed in this group since). I found the second part of the book more interesting as Katz transitioned from musician to producer, namely with Reed, to A&R during the musically volatile 70s and 80s. How does the co-founder of a jam band and a jazz-rock band head hunt disco acts for a record label? With the knowledge he's getting a much-needed paycheck.

Blood, Sweat, and My Rock 'n' Roll Years opens with a great hook and scatters through several decades of headaches and musical triumphs and disappointments. One might call it a cautionary tale, though I have to wonder how much Katz would do all over again given the choice.

ARC received from the publisher via NetGalley.

My mystery, PITHED, is 25% off at Mundania.com with code TAXTIME.

Now Available in Print and eBook from Phaze Books!

Book Eight of The Vespian Way

Heather wants to fight beside her people, not watch from a safe distance. So when her brother comes up with a way to disguise her she jumps at the chance. Now she can try out for an elite team to help defeat Reasta, who has a stronghold on their planet. 

No one knows who she is, including her mate, who has also been disguised. They must find each other, qualify for the team and help rescue the elders without being found out.

Check out other books in the Vespian Way series at Phaze Books.

A slow-burning thriller that make a sudden left turn into WTF territory toward the end. I enjoyed it; it reminded me in parts of The Green Mile. Solid characterizations, which is one reason why I like to read King.

Enough Rope was first published in 1926. Marion Meade notes in her biography of Mrs. Parker, Dorothy Parker: What Fresh Hell Is This?, of the book's popularity and appeal. It became a bestseller and enjoyed several reprints (remarkable for a volume of poetry at the time) and earned praise from readers and reviewers. This is ostensibly her breakthrough work, one that extended her reach from the Algonquin Round Table into the American lexicon. Perhaps then people mimicked her quips with the same regularity as we quote movie dialogue today.

When you open the book, you realize first thing Mrs. Parker isn't going to let you slide through the book without feeling her anguish. Enough Rope opens with "Threnody," which means "lament." Her heart is "shattered," and she wants you to know that she's still alive and "every likely lad in town / gathers up the pieces." As Mrs. Parker writes it, though, it doesn't sound like a message of hope, of finding love after a disappointment, but the inevitable setup for another round of misery.

Moving along, one is hard-pressed to find silver linings. Here's what you'll find in the first few pages:

"The Small Hours" - The listless speaker bemoans the nights and finds no comfort of the coming sun.

"The False Friends" - Resentment of well-meaning friends who attempt to bring cheer.

"The Trifler" - Heavy flirting with Death, perhaps a reference to a failed suicide attempt in which Death is blamed for its failure.

"A Very Short Song" - Another lament of heartache, also an acknowledgement that she's as capable of creating it.

"A Well Worn Story" - Love with the wrong person, and the eventual fallout. More than once Mrs. Parker refers to April in her poetry - a month significant as the beginning of spring and renewal and hope, yet she rarely finds it.

"Convalescent" - A resolution to get over lost Love ends with the resignation that she'd willingly take him back regardless of how badly she feels.

"Epitaph" - She speaks of two deaths: the first emotional and the second physical. The "gleaming pain" between my ribs could suggest a broken heart, and the image of lying warm in the earth implies relief and comfort in death.

Within Enough Rope you'll also find two of Mrs. Parker's better known epigrams, both indicative of her curt, cynical humor:

"Resume"

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

"News Item"

Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.

All together in this one book, you could form the story of a woman weary from worldly experience, pessimistic about true love and wishing for an early end, only to find it so much of a chore that maybe it's better to let nature take its course and resign yourself to harmful vices while you wait.